Some of us are lucky to have neighbors like the late Mr. Rogers. But for many, neighbors range from nuisance to nightmare. What can you do about it?
But while recent news accounts like those are rare, stories about annoying neighbors are not – from late-night parties to parking disputes to overgrown trees.
How do you peacefully coexist with a neighbor from hell? Money Talks News founder Stacy Johnson tells another neighbor nightmare story in the video below, and along with attorney Carolina Maluje, he explains some of the steps you can take. We’ve got more advice on the other side…
As Maluje points out in the video, many neighbor disputes end up in court because of poor communication. If something’s happening that’s dangerous or illegal, the cops are the obvious answer. But if problems arise that are a bit more gray, communication is the best way to save money and hassle. Here’s the best way to be a good neighbor and deal with a bad one.
- Get to know each other. Being a good neighbor doesn’t mean taking family vacations together. Just knowing them well enough to say hi, or maybe borrowing a cup of sugar or loaning a gardening tool, can build trust and understanding. Issues are much more likely to escalate among strangers than even casual acquaintances.
- Head off problems before they’re problems. Stacy says he’s had lots of parties at his place over the years. Before each one, he goes to all neighbors who might be affected and offers them two things: a verbal invitation to the party and a card with his phone number. “If there’s too much noise, I’d much rather my neighbor call me than the police,” he explains. “Not only because I don’t like seeing the police at my door, but because I want to the opportunity to personally apologize and let my neighbor know that I care about them.”
- Document the problem. When an issue comes up, start keeping notes – times, dates, and photos if necessary. This can help in three ways. First, it helps you evaluate the seriousness of the problem: Looking at it on paper, maybe you realize it’s not as big a deal or you may see a solution. Second, you have info to back you up when you explain the situation to your neighbor. And finally, if push comes to shove, good record-keeping can show authorities you’re serious and organized, not emotional and whiny.
- Talk it out. Tell your neighbor what’s up – don’t assume they know what the problem is. Be open and direct, not passive-aggressive. Ask for their input, and wherever possible, propose a solution that splits the difference and demonstrates a willingness to compromise. Stay cool and positive, even if they’re not.
- Look for advice or solace online. Sites like Neighbors From Hell have message boards where people discuss their issues and help each other. This one’s free to view and is full of common issues and good advice, but registering will cost $50 if you want to ask about a unique problem. If you just want to vent, try sites like AnnoyingNeighbors.com.
- Check with other neighbors. See if anybody else on the block is having similar issues – they may be willing to help resolve it. If one of the neighbors is closer to the troublemaker, have them come with you when you talk it out.
- See if anyone else will side with you. If talking doesn’t work, try getting more help. If you’re part of a condo or homeowner’s association, speak with them about the problem and see if they can resolve it more easily (and cheaply) than you can.
- Talk to a lawyer. If you’ve tried everything, you can consult a lawyer and have them write a letter threatening legal action. Warning: This can not only cost a few hundred dollars, it can throw gas on the fire. Make it a last resort.
- Get a mediator. A neutral third party experienced in settling disputes may succeed where you can’t, although it can only work if your neighbor is willing to talk. It’s a lot cheaper than going to court, though – in some cases, it may even be free. Look up a nearby mediation program at the National Association for Community Mediation.
- Write and report. If you suspect your neighbor is violating city ordinances, do a little research, write it up, and submit it to the proper authorities. You can look up municipal law at places like Municode.com, and you can learn all about code enforcement on your city’s website, whether it’s Fort Worth, Texas, or San Jose, Calif. Some cities, like Boca Raton, Fla., even let you report code violations online. If your neighborly dispute involves code violations, the city might solve your problem for you. (Even if that doesn’t happen, save copies of everything you write.) But don’t try to anonymously report code violations on your neighbor, and never make this the first step. People who do often find that not only does the neighbor figure out who “snitched” anyway, but they resent you for being a passive-aggressive busybody, which can make future situations more tricky. Remember you still have to live next to these people.
- Call the cops. If you’ve acted in good faith with no success, involving the police is the next step. You can explain the situation and show how you’ve tried to work it out and kept notes, but realize they probably can’t do much unless a law or ordinance is being broken. This is for things like excessive noise and illegal activity, not a tree limb hanging into your yard. Nonetheless, a police presence might show your neighbor that you aren’t going to let the problem go.
- Take it to small claims court. This is much cheaper than a bigger lawsuit (which can cost $10,000 or more) because you can represent yourself. But you must do your homework – you need to lay out the problem, provide evidence, and come up with a reasonable damage estimate that you can justify when questioned. Damages are usually capped at a few thousand dollars, although the amount varies by state. And don’t be Judge Judy material: no exaggerations, no pettiness.
Bottom line? As with any relationship, being a good neighbor – or dealing with a bad one – is all about communication. Stacy concludes, “Many situations in life offer the opportunity to either claim the high moral ground or, instead, to get what you want. Righteousness indignation is an expensive pastime, both emotionally and financially. Gentle persuasion is usually the shortest path to getting what you want.”
Have a neighbor from hell story? Share it with us on Facebook.