The Week in Review: Funny Money Stories

1. Seven pro sports franchises on the brink of collapse

Is the economy finally catching up to the most recession-proof industry? “Across the four biggest sports in the U.S., several teams have seen a massive decline in their attendance,” MSNBC reports. “39 of the 122 professional sports teams lost money last year.” So much for rich owners in their skyboxes…

2. Starbucks buys juice maker Evolution Fresh

If you thought Starbucks were everywhere before, now the chain has even more juice. Literally. “The coffee giant acquired juice company Evolution Fresh for $30 million,” CNN reports. “In early or mid 2012, the company plans to start a new, separate health and wellness retail chain.”

3. Hands-free tailgate coming on next Ford Escape SUV

From the why-didn’t-someone-think-of-this-before department: Ford’s new “Hands-Free Lift Gate” allows “anyone who has the car keys [to] kick a foot under the back bumper to hoist the tailgate,” USA Today reports. It’ll debut on the 2013 Escape SUV.

4. Over half of owners will buy pet holiday gifts

If your Christmas presents this year don’t average $46 each, then you’re worth less than a dog. “Just over half of American pet owners will buy gifts for their pets this holiday season, and they’ll spend an average of $46 on their animals,” MSNBC reports. Topping Santa’s list: toys and treats.

5. CEOs’ golden parachute exit packages pass $100 million

While not funny to most of the country, some CEOs are laughing all the way to the bank. “Recent deals — making retiring executives newly minted $100 million (and up) men — are raising eyebrows even among those accustomed to oversized payouts,” USA Today reports. “The golden parachute is evolving into the platinum kiss.”

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