If Lady Gaga Were a Personal Finance Blogger…

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Nope, that’s not SEO bait. It’s the intro to a song parody.

Although I listen only to the classical station, Lady Gaga is ubiquitous enough that even I am familiar with “Bad Romance.”

One day when the tune was stuck in my head, I turned it into a personal finance lesson – and yes, I really do have a personal finance point to make after the initial silliness.

The following can be sung (if you must) to the tune of the song linked above…

Ah ah ah-ah-ah

Ah ah ah-ah-ah

Moo-la lah-ah-ah

What’s your bad finance?

I want your debit, your NSF fees

Maxed out your credit card? Come sit next to me

Cash in retirement? Oh do it baby

Stupid money tricks are all that I need

Want a six-year auto loan,

Out of network ATMs

I want your drama

Your lack of a plan

Loans loans loans

I want your loans

Loans loans loans

I want your loans

You know that I love debt

And you know how hot I get

When you are bad

Bad with your finance

I want your spending

Want your debt neverending

You and me could write some bad finance

(Oh-oh-oh-oooh and bad checks too!)

I want your bad debt

All your bad credit

You and me could write some bad finance

Buy rounds at the bar for all of your friends

Go on mad shopping sprees that just never end

Don’t match that 401(k), oh no

Spend it today ’cause we’ll never get old

Rah rah ah-ah-ah

Fi-nal no-o-o-tice

Goin’ to collections!

Want your bad finance

You know that I want you

And you know that I need you

(‘Cause I’m just not rich, baby!)

I want it bad

Your bad finance

Money changes everything

Well, that was fun, wasn’t it? Time to get serious, though.

The love of money can ruin love. (Nobody dates a miser for long.) But so can cluelessness about cash. Finances are the cause of endless friction in relationships…

  • “He spends money like it’s going out of style.”
  • “She goes shopping every weekend.”
  • “We’re never going to get out of debt if (s)he doesn’t quit throwing cash around.”

If your current sweetie is lousy with money, take it from me: It probably won’t get better, especially if you’re an enabler who keeps doing all the heavy lifting in the relationship. Do you want your hard work undermined month after month by someone who smiles sweetly and says, “I know I should be better with money, but (insert excuse here)”?

Do you want to be with someone who can’t believe in your shared goals strongly enough to grow up and start contributing to them? Someone who lets you sacrifice so that (s)he can continue to indulge in instant gratification?

And if you’re the one who’s bad with money, take this from me too: It’s neither charming nor endearing. You need to get hold of your finances before inflicting yourself on another person. Relationships can be fraught enough without introducing wild cards like overdrafts, repossessed vehicles, or nightly calls from collection agencies.

What’s your bad finance? Ever fought/broke up with someone over money? If you’re coupled-up, how do you keep from fighting about finances?

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