What to get for the person who has everything? Well, you could give him nothing at all and donate the money you would have spent to a worthy cause.
Or you could get a gift that reflects that person’s extreme resentment/abiding love for the current president.
There’s plenty of enmity on both sides, and marketing geniuses never met a political situation they couldn’t exploit. Thus you have both pro- and anti-Trump items, including books, coffee mugs, cologne, cigars, golf balls, signage, T-shirts and more. In our search for Trump gear — pro and con — we stuck to relatively tasteful options.
(If you’re looking for something that will surely offend someone, there are plenty of startling examples of pro- and anti-Trump merchandise out — some so gross we won’t even go there. Fair warning: If you go out looking, remember that some things cannot be unseen.)
Check out these clever stocking stuffers and other goodies for each side of the political divide.
The gift list starts with the pro-Trump crowd, because it won the coin toss. Prices do not include shipping.
1. Trump wine glasses
These are described as “colossal” wine glasses. Clearly, everything the guy does is “yuge.”
The two glasses are deep-etched and hold 19 ounces.
Cost: About $24, from TrumpStoreAmerica.com.
2. Trump ugly Christmas sweater
Kill two birds with one stone! If your office party or some relative (or your spouse) declares an Ugly Christmas Sweater Party, you’ll be able to make a political statement and avoid clothing with sequins, jingling bells or blinking lights.
Cost: $33.50, on Etsy.com.
3. Life-size cardboard figure
Surprise your dinner guests, who will for a nanosecond think, “Wow, Bill really is connected!” (And prepare for a lot of selfies to be taken that night.)
Give it to a relative or friend who’s a big Trump fan. Or get one for the annual company holiday party, to shake up your colleagues.
Cost: $39.95, from CardboardCutouts.com.
4. Talking Donald Trump figure
This 7-inch-tall creation speaks 17 phrases that the president is fond of using, such as:
“I don’t frankly have time for total political correctness. And this country doesn’t have time either.”
“We are going to drain the swamp in Washington, D.C.”
“I love the First Amendment, nobody loves it better than me. Nobody. Who uses it more than I do?”
Cost: $19.95, from Walmart.com.
5. Trump scents
Want to smell like a president? Check out Empire By Trump, which the Trump Organization says is perfect for “the confident man determined to make his mark with passion, perseverance and drive.”
We expect that the “bold notes of peppermint, spicy chai and a hint of apple” in the eau de toilette spray and other products will make a statement, too.
Cost: Starting at $20 on Perfumania.
(Alternatively, there is a Trump scent called Success.)
6. Presidential keepsake box
Use the 5.5-inch-square box to store your jewelry, your cufflinks, your … whatever.
Available in black or mahogany.
Cost: $22.99, from CafePress.com.
7. Trump soap
This handmade glycerin soap is about the size of a tennis ball and has a “fresh rain” scent.
Given the pro-business theme of the current administration, perhaps that should be a “make it rain” scent.
Cost: $9.99, at Etsy.com.
8. “Ask Trump” spinning decision-maker
Got an indecisive relative or friend? This device can help. With categories like “Absolutely,” “Sue!” and “Ask again,” it’s sort of a Republican version of the Magic 8-Ball.
Cost: $12.95, on Amazon.com.
9. MAGA hats
You’ve gotten an eyeful of these caps throughout the campaign and since, both on Trump and his adoring fans. Wear one of your own, and people will know your party preference.
Cost: $25-$45 on website of the Trump Make America Great Again Committee.
10. Paper doll
This “collectible campaign edition” is, you know, collectible.
Cost: $10.34, from BarnesandNoble.com.
11. Election 2020 yard signs
Plant this two-sided sign firmly in the front lawn, and everyone will know where you stand. Be sure to check local sign ordinances.
Cost: $9.50, from TrumpStoreAmerica.com.
12. Baby bib
Don’t let the pink trim make you think this is a girls-only item. The bib is also available with a manly navy-blue trim and a neutral white trim.
Cost: $20, from Trumpstore.com.
13. Commemorative Trump cigars
Share one with a like-minded friend! Light ’em up and feel like plutocrats.
Cost: Starting at $22 for package of three on Ted’s Cigars website.
14. Trump flag
Display this under the American flag, or on a separate flagpole (not included), and the neighbors will know your political leanings.
Cost: $14.90, from AmericanFlags.com.
15. Trump photo collage pillowcase
You can buy this just as a cover to dress up an existing 16-by-16-inch cushion, or buy the optional cushion to insert.
Cost: $19.99, or $27.99 with insert, from SubliWorks.
And now, some ideas for the anti-Trump crowd to fill Christmas stockings and gift baskets …
1. “101 Indisputable Facts Proving Donald Trump Is an Idiot”
The subtitle of this book is “A Brief Background of the Most Spectacularly Unqualified Person Ever to Occupy the White House.” Hey, don’t hold back — tell us what you really think!
It was written by a group of independent journalists with a total of more than a century of experience who cite their sources and research. No fake news here.
2. The “White House of Cards” deck
This 52-card deck features caricatures of your favorite Trumpeteers, some of whom have already been voted off the island. In other words, it’s a collectible.
Here’s how designer Peter Dunlap-Shohl describes the product:
“Ever wanted to own a bunch of heavyweight politicians, but put off by the price? Well, worry no more! You’ll feel like an honorary Koch brother as the proud owner of the White House of Cards playing card deck.
“Incisive caricatures of all your favorites from Trumpworld adorn the face cards. Bannon, Spicer, Conway and more! This is the ideal deck for heated games of Liar’s Poker and Slap Jack.”
Cost: $15.99, from The Gamecrafter.
3. Trump Impeachmints
Here’s the pitch for this stocking stuffer:
“Do you bad-mouth people? Drop one of these peach-flavored mints on your tongue and you’ll make friends. Create a better environment! Trust us. It’s time to get rid of that offensive mouth. It’s practically criminal. Really. It’s got to go.”
Cost: $3, from the Unemployed Philosophers Guild.
4. “Pin the Toupee on Trump” game
Donkeys are so clearly Democratic Party symbols! This party game was itching for a makeover under the new administration.
Cost: $11.95, from Not Your Prez.
5. “Tiny hands” mug
Much has been made about the size of the president’s hands. He says they’re big; many people disagree. Hence this mug, which has a teeny-tiny handle.
Cost: $16.95, from GagGifts.com.
6. “Make America Think Again” shirt
The color and the sentiment bring to mind a certain baseball cap …
Cost: $19.99, from FostersTees.
7. “Instant Trump” button
Each time you push this panic-type button, a Trump impersonator will say things like “It’s gonna be huge” and “We shall overcomb – I mean, have you seen this hair?”
Cost: $12.99, from Stupid.com.
8. James Comey car magnet
Remember when Trump tweeted about his meeting with former FBI Director James Comey and ominously hinted about having recorded their conversation?
Comey’s famous response can now be yours on this oval auto magnet. Make a moving statement!
Cost: $7.99 on CafePress.com.
9. Trump “Nope” T-shirt
A new take on the Obama presidential campaign’s “Hope” poster, designed by artist Shepard Fairey. This one is just the thing to wear as you fire up the nope rocket to Nopeville.
Cost: $22 on Redbubble.
10. Trump countdown calendar
Is someone you know just counting the days? This calendar can help.
Cost: $14.99, from Calendars.com.
11. Trump piñata
Fill it up with candy, or tell your guests that like many other politicians, The Donald is full of empty promises.
Cost: $26.75, from Bonanza.
12. “Love My Country” key chain
To those who call you unpatriotic for disagreeing with Trump, this key chain pretty much says it all.
Cost: $12.99, from CafePress.com.
13. Anti-Trump gift set
This is a two-part gift: a Donald Trump countdown clock and a roll of toilet paper emblazoned with the president’s mug. Keepin’ it classy!
Cost: $14.95, from Gadget Bargains.
14. Donald Trump tissue box
This object is pretty creepy, which makes it just the thing for a white elephant gift exchange or Yankee swap. Tissues not included.
Cost: $22.95, from GagGifts.com.
15. “All I Want for Hanukkah” sweater
Because why should the season be only about ugly Christmas sweaters?
Cost: $40, on Etsy.com.
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