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Here’s a problem more common than you’d think:
Mom has dementia. Her bills are piling up, her Social Security check goes into an account only she can touch, and she never signed a power of attorney. What do we do now?
An estimated 7.4 million Americans age 65 and older are living with Alzheimer’s in 2026, and nearly 13 million Americans provide unpaid care for people with Alzheimer’s or other dementias. (1)
It’s a crisis plenty of families run into, so let’s walk through it with an example. Take Ruth, 81, and her daughter Beth. Ruth is showing signs of dementia, and Beth doesn’t know how to help with the finances.
Here’s the hard truth for Beth: without the right paperwork, being Mom’s daughter generally gives her no automatic legal power over Mom’s money.
The Alzheimer’s Association puts it this way: a person with dementia “maintains the right to make his or her own decisions as long as he or she has legal capacity.” (2)
Social Security goes further. Having a power of attorney, being an authorized representative or sharing a joint bank account “is not the same thing as being a payee.” (3)
If no one has legal authority and Mom can no longer sign, families may have to go to court, which can appoint a guardian of property or a conservator. (4)
Here are five moves Beth’s family should make — in order.
1. Find out whether Mom can still sign
Dementia doesn’t flip a switch overnight. The Alzheimer’s Association urges families to put legal plans in place “while he or she is still able to make decisions.” (2)
So my advice: Beth’s first call should be to an elder law attorney, who can help assess whether Ruth can still sign a durable power of attorney. If she can, in my view that’s the fastest, cheapest fix on this list. If her capacity is fading, every week matters.
2. If she can’t, the court route is the backstop
If Ruth no longer has the capacity to sign, that’s when guardianship or conservatorship comes into play — a court appoints someone to manage her affairs. (4)
The Alzheimer’s Association notes guardianship “is generally considered when a person with dementia is no longer able to provide for his or her own care.” (2)
The details depend on where Mom lives, and because a court is involved, families should be prepared for legal fees and paperwork. That’s the price of not planning, and it’s the strongest argument I know for doing your own documents now.
3. Her Social Security check plays by its own rules
Here’s a catch that can trip up even organized families. Social Security doesn’t take orders from a power of attorney.
The agency says these arrangements “do not give legal authority to negotiate and manage a beneficiary’s Social Security and/or SSI payments.” (3) Instead, Beth would need to apply to become Ruth’s representative payee.
That’s true even if Ruth had signed a power of attorney years ago. A joint account doesn’t get Beth there either. (3)
Quick gut-check — if your money advice is coming from random online influencers, you’re playing a dangerous game. I’ve been a CPA since 1981 and writing about money since before the internet existed. Sign up for the free Money Talks Newsletter and get expert advice that’s been tested by time.
4. Being the payee is a job, not a gift
If Beth becomes payee, the money is still Ruth’s. Social Security says the payee “must use your benefits to pay for your needs.” (3)
There’s accountability, too. If the agency asks, the payee “must also give us a written account of how your money was spent.” (3) My advice: keep Mom’s money in its own account, save every receipt and never mix it with yours.
Meanwhile, the bigger bills are often still ahead. Unpaid caregivers of people with Alzheimer’s or other dementias provided more than 19 billion hours of care valued at more than $446 billion in 2025. (1) Families who can’t provide all that care themselves may end up paying for it.
According to government data, about 7 in 10 people turning 65 will need some form of long-term care. And Medicare generally doesn’t cover custodial care — the day-to-day help with things like bathing and dressing — which can leave families facing six-figure bills that eat into retirement savings.
Long-term care insurance helps fill that gap, covering services like home care, assisted living, and help with daily tasks. Rates are typically lowest if you buy in your 50s or early 60s, couples often qualify for discounts, and premiums may even be tax-deductible.
5. Don’t leave your own kids where Beth is standing
Here’s the lesson for everyone reading this, not just Beth. Sign your own documents while you’re healthy.
A durable power of attorney is designed for exactly this moment. “Once the principal is unable to make decisions, the agent is then authorized to manage the principal’s income and assets,” the Alzheimer’s Association explains. (2) It’s far simpler than a court case.
Another thing to attend to: estate planning. Companies like LegalZoom, can start your estate plan with simple questions online in ~15 minutes. Choose a will ($99–$249) or trust ($399–$549). Each plan includes an advanced healthcare directive, financial power of attorney and HIPAA authorization. Trusted by 6 million customers. Take a look here
My honest take
Nobody wants to sit across the kitchen table from a parent and talk about losing their memory. So families wait. Then one day the bank may not talk to them, Social Security won’t take their word for it, and the only door left open leads to a courtroom.
A power of attorney is a few pages. Guardianship is a court case with your mother’s name on it. Have the awkward conversation this weekend — with your parents, and with your kids.
Sources: 1. Alzheimer’s Association (2026 Facts and Figures); 2. Alzheimer’s Association (Legal Documents); 3. Social Security Administration (Representative Payee FAQs); 4. Consumer Financial Protection Bureau
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