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Imagine getting a note like this:
Mom died in June. My brother is the executor, and he hasn’t told my sister or me anything — not what’s in the will, not what’s in the accounts, nothing. When I ask, he says “these things take time.” What can we do?
Let’s say that’s Carla asking about her brother, Jim. They’re a made-up example, not real readers. But the silent executor is a very real kind of family standoff, and it’s worth knowing your options before it turns into a feud.
I’ve been a CPA since 1981, and I was the executor of my parents’ estate, so I’ve seen this job from the inside. Here’s my answer: Jim may be telling the truth that estates take time. But “trust me” isn’t how the job works.
The stakes are high because so many people don’t even have a will. A 2021 Gallup survey found that slightly less than half of U.S. adults, 46%, have a will (1). Among Americans 65 and older, just over three-quarters do (1).
An executor isn’t working for himself. He’s working for the estate and the people who inherit from it. State probate laws can set deadlines for notices and inventories (2), and the IRS spells out tax duties for whoever is in charge of an estate (3). Here are five moves Carla can make.
1. Give him the benefit of the doubt, briefly
Settling an estate is slow, paper-heavy work. Accounts have to be found, bills paid, property valued and court forms filed.
So a few months of quiet doesn’t prove anything. Here’s my read, though: a good executor gives the family regular updates even when there’s nothing exciting to report. Silence plus a brush-off is a reason to start asking questions in writing.
2. Find out what’s been filed
Call the probate court in the county where Mom lived. Ask whether a will has been filed, whether Jim has been formally appointed, and what’s in the case file.
A short, polite email to Jim asking for a copy of the will and the court case number creates a record that you asked.
3. Learn your state’s deadlines
Every state sets its own rules, so check yours. In Texas, for example, a Travis County probate court guide tells administrators that within 60 days of the date the will is probated, they must give a notice required by law, and within 90 days after qualifying, they must submit either an inventory of the estate or, in some cases, an affidavit in lieu of one (2).
If your state has deadlines like those and they’ve passed, that’s not “taking time.” That’s a missed obligation.
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4. Ask about the taxes
This is where my CPA side gets nervous, because tax work is part of the executor’s job.
The IRS’s guidance for executors covers filing the decedent’s final individual tax return, the estate’s income tax return on Form 1041 and any estate or gift tax returns that may be needed (3). If the estate brings in more than $600 in annual gross income, the IRS says Form 1041 is required (4).
A fair question for Jim: “Has Mom’s final tax return been filed, and does the estate need a Form 1041?” If he doesn’t know, the estate needs a tax pro.
If you’re inheriting money and want help folding it into your own plan, a pro can help with that, too. And they’re not hard to find. For example, SmartAsset matches you with up to three fiduciary advisors.
The questionnaire takes about 10 minutes and asks for a phone number near the end, but you control whether and when you respond to anyone. SmartAsset provides matching, not advice.
5. If he stonewalls, the court can step in
Courts can remove executors in some situations. The Travis County guide, for instance, warns that a court may remove an executor or administrator who fails to file a required affidavit or certificate on time (2).
If polite requests go nowhere, a probate attorney can tell you what your state allows, which may include formally demanding an accounting or asking the court to remove the executor. Lawyers aren’t cheap, so start with the polite written request.
Don’t leave your own kids in Carla’s spot
The best time to prevent a silent-executor fight is while you’re alive. Pick an executor who communicates, tell your family who it is, and put your plan in writing.
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The bottom line
Being named executor isn’t an inheritance. It’s a job, and the court can hold him to it.
Carla doesn’t need to accuse her brother of anything. She needs a copy of the will, the case number and a few dates on a calendar. My bet: calm questions in writing get answers faster than angry phone calls.
The executor holds the keys. He doesn’t own the house.
Sources: 1. Gallup; 2. Travis County, Texas, Probate Court; 3. IRS; 4. IRS
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