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Imagine getting a note like this:
My sister, Sharon, has had Mom’s power of attorney for two years. Mom is 86 and her memory is slipping. Sharon pays all her bills, but when my brother and I ask to see the bank statements, she says it’s none of our business. We don’t want to accuse our own sister of anything. But we’re worried. What can we do? — Ann
Ann and Sharon aren’t real people, but the worry is real, and sometimes it’s justified.
When the Treasury Department’s Financial Crimes Enforcement Network studied reports that banks and other financial institutions filed about suspected elder financial exploitation, it found roughly $27 billion in suspicious activity over one year (1). In the theft cases, “adult children were the most frequent elder theft-related perpetrators” (1).
If you suspect abuse, there are places to report it. More on that below.
I’ve been a CPA since 1981. Here’s the hard truth for Ann: Her sister may not owe her those statements. And her sister may be doing nothing wrong.
Here’s how to tell the difference and what you can actually do.
1. Understand what a power of attorney really requires
The Consumer Financial Protection Bureau publishes guides for people serving as agents under a power of attorney. Its Florida guide, first published in 2015, lists four duties: Act only in the person’s best interest, manage the money carefully, keep it separate from your own, and keep good records (2).
On that last one, the guide is specific: “Keep a detailed list of everything that you receive or spend” for the person (2).
So Sharon should have records. Whether she has to show them to Ann is a different question.
2. Know that a sibling may not have a right to see them
Here’s the part that frustrates families. In Florida, the CFPB guide tells agents, the law “does not require you to share your records unless a court” or the person who signed the power of attorney asks (2).
That’s Florida’s rule, so check your own state’s. But don’t assume that being Mom’s child gives you a legal right to see her bank statements.
That’s also why secrecy, by itself, isn’t proof of theft. Some agents simply don’t want a sibling second-guessing every grocery bill.
3. Go to Mom first, if you can
Under that same Florida rule, the person who signed the power of attorney can ask for the records (2). If Mom can still understand and make her wishes known, start with her.
A calm conversation with Mom, ideally with Sharon in the room, beats a family war. Ask whether she’d like her children to see a simple monthly summary.
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4. Offer to share the load, not just the scrutiny
Managing a parent’s money is real work. If you show up only to audit, expect a fight. Offer to handle something yourself, like Mom’s medical bills or insurance paperwork, and ask for regular updates in return.
If Mom has significant savings and the family can’t agree on how to handle them, a neutral professional can help. To find one, check out SmartAsset. It offers a free matching service that pairs you with up to three fiduciary financial advisors, all legally required to put your interests first.
To use the service, expect a questionnaire of about 10 minutes. You’ll be asked for a phone number near the end: Provide it, but you control whether and when you respond.
SmartAsset provides the match, not the advice, and it’s built for people with $100,000 or more in investments. Get matched with a fiduciary advisor free.
5. If you suspect real theft, report it
If bills are going unpaid, money is disappearing or Mom is suddenly short of cash she should have, don’t wait.
The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services says to “Relay your concerns to the local adult protective services, long-term care ombudsman, or the police” (3). You can find local help through the Eldercare Locator at 1-800-677-1116 (3).
And if someone is in immediate, life-threatening danger, HHS says to call the police or 911 right away (3).
Because in many states it takes a court or Mom herself to require Sharon to share the records, an elder law attorney is the next call if the family can’t settle it.
6. Don’t leave your own kids in Ann’s shoes
The best time to prevent this fight is when you sign your own power of attorney. Ask your lawyer about naming two agents, or about requiring the one you name to send regular statements to the rest of the family, if your state allows it.
And while you’re at it, make sure you’ve got a solid estate plan. Estate planning often gets delayed or overlooked.
With companies like LegalZoom, you can start your estate plan by answering questions online in about 15 minutes. Choose a will ($99–$249) or trust ($399–$549).
Each plan includes an advance healthcare directive, financial power of attorney and HIPAA authorization. Check it out here.
My honest take
A power of attorney is an act of trust. Often, the sibling holding it is doing a thankless job the best way they know how.
But trust works better with a little daylight. If you’re the one with the power of attorney, share the numbers before anyone asks. It costs you nothing and can save your family a fight.
And if you’re the one on the outside, start with a conversation, not an accusation. You may still need your sister long after Mom is gone.
Sources: 1. FinCEN; 2. Consumer Financial Protection Bureau; 3. U.S. Department of Health and Human Services
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