It’s amazing how many bad ideas actually turn into business brands.
These are the company or product names that make you wonder: What were they thinking? Were they clueless? Did the marketing director not have access to an internet search engine, or at least a dictionary?
Just for the fun of it, we pulled together this roster of the worst company names — maybe someone’s late-night ideas that don’t really hold up to the light of day.
Our criteria for this completely subjective list include:
- Incredibly poor taste
- Groan-worthy or nausea-inducing puns
- URL fails
Some of these businesses might have gone under in recent years — and with silly names like these, maybe such a fate was inevitable.
1. Goin’ Postal
If you were alive in the 1990s, you know that the slang expression “going postal” refers to workplace rage that results in gun violence.
Look it up. According to Wikipedia, the expression was first used in a 1993 news article that referred to outbursts of violence at U.S. Postal Service locations.
The shipping company Goin’ Postal was founded in 2002, according to its website, and — let’s say in spite of the name — now boasts hundreds of locations across the United States.
2. Sam and Ella’s
Memo to Sam and Ella — if those are your real names: Even though your restaurant has good reviews, the name might make people sick.
You could have avoided the problem by calling the place Ella and Sam’s — or was this allusion to salmonella food poisoning intentional? That would be a not-funny joke.
3. Kum & Go
Hmm. We’re not the first to think these franchises need rebranding.
A group of Kum & Go stations purchased in 2016 by a private equity firm were all slated to be renamed as Cenex gas stations and Yesway convenience stores, but many other locations remain in the Kum & Go chain.
The Iowa-based chain dates back more than 50 years and has 400 stores, according to its website. So, you can’t argue that the branding has been a problem.
This turns out to be a very popular name for coffee shops, so maybe we’re missing something here. But aren’t jitters an unpleasant side effect of too much caffeine?
5. Passmore Gas
A name that’s hard to forget, to be sure.
6. Amigone Funeral Home
Is that a question they hear often?
7. Tequila Mockingbird
Did author Harper Lee approve of this novel abuse?
8. Toyota Previa
Surely the marketing team responsible for naming this minivan after a dangerous pregnancy complication was a bunch of clueless men.
In Spanish and Italian, the word “previa” means something along the lines of “previous” or “preview.” But in English, the word is used is in “placenta previa” — when the placenta obstructs a baby from moving through the birth canal — and another pregnancy complication called “vasa previa.”
What should have been prevented was the birth of this brand name.
P.S. The successor model is tastefully named “Sienna.”
Because “Joe’s Tobacco Shop” is not gross enough?
10. Stubbs Prosthetics & Orthotics
Let’s see: Would the parent company also operate “Empty Socket Glass Eyes”?
American Scrap Metal: a perfectly sensible name — except when rendered as an internet address.
12. Spruce Springclean
On behalf of “The Boss,” all you Springsteen fans have permission to groan.
13. STD Contractors
Is that Sam, Todd and Derrick? Smith, Trent and Dickson? Maybe spelling this out would be a good idea.
14. Curl Up & Dye Salon
We usually like to emerge from our hair appointments alive.
15. Donkey Balls
The Donkey Ball Store is on the big island of Hawaii. The company’s eponymous Donkey Balls is a line of chocolate-covered macadamia nuts. The Dirty Balls variety (pictured) involves macadamia nuts that are covered in milk chocolate and then coated with cocoa powder.
This is ridiculous, but in a brilliant kind of way.
16. Fidler on the Tooth
OK, we get it. The dentist’s name is Fidler, and she’s riffing off the Broadway musical “Fiddler on the Roof.” That’s cute.
But the thing is, going to the dentist is bad enough. We would probably avoid having someone fiddle on our teeth. Reasonable people could debate, but for us this is a branding fail.
17. Bunghole Liquors
Is the pun worth the graphic visualization?
This site features products from Spain — lovely things like wine and olives. But with the words mashed together in that URL, shoppers might instinctively avoid this Spanish merchandise site. Que malo!
Sure, you can name your burger joint after an air disaster in which dozens of people burned to death, but it’s in poor taste. “Oh, the humanity!”
20. Thai Tanic
Yes, you can name your restaurant after a ship that collided with an iceberg and sank, killing more than 1,500 people. But should you?
21. Master Bait & Tackle
The Florida store’s alluring slogan for fishing fans is “We are stiff competition.”
OK, so this was obviously intentional, but does that make it OK?
22. A Salt & Battery
Salt and batter … Assault and battery … Get it? Not usually something to joke about.
23. Just Falafs
A simple groan suffices for the name of this Middle Eastern restaurant in Melbourne, Australia.
24. Little Hope Cemetery
Truth in advertising can be a little jarring, as in this case.
25. I’ll Cut You Hair Studio
Does that threat work for customers?