Editor's Note: This story originally appeared on Boldin.
You are not imagining it. Making friends as an adult has gotten harder.
However, social connections are one of the greatest joys of life and are something that is worth pursuing.
Let’s explore why friendships are important, why it is so hard to make friends as an adult and how to develop new connections.
Why Social Connections Are So Important
“The Good Life: Lessons From the World’s Longest Scientific Study of Happiness” documents findings from the longest scientific study of happiness ever conducted.
What does this huge amount of research say? The stronger our relationships, the more likely we are to live happy, satisfying and overall healthier lives.
This is bolstered by additional research that has found that loneliness can be more damaging to your health than even smoking.
But Why Is It So Hard to Make Friends as an Adult?
The list is long as to why making friends as an adult is so hard.
- Cellphones provide a constant source of entertainment and distraction and don’t require human connection.
- When you are working and raising a family, you don’t have the long periods of time that you had as a kid, teenager or young adult. And, that kind of unstructured time is the perfect environment for developing friendships.
- When you retire, you lose the natural sociability of work and a routine that enabled regular get-togethers.
- Perhaps as you have gotten older you have become more selective about whom you invest time in, seeking deeper connections rather than casual acquaintances.
- And, there is always the fear of vulnerability and rejection that can make it harder to reach out and build new relationships.
- Maybe you are just out of practice.
Read on for some ideas for finding friends in adulthood.
1. Start With People You Know
When trying to make new friends in adulthood, it’s often helpful to start with the people you already know: acquaintances, coworkers, parents of your kids’ friends, neighbors or even high school buddies you haven’t spoken to in years.
Choose someone from your contact list that you have always especially liked and text or call them and see about an in-person get-together to catch up or around a common interest.
By reaching out and expressing genuine interest, you might discover that a casual relationship can evolve into a meaningful friendship. Sometimes, the best friendships begin with those who are already in your orbit, just waiting for a little more attention and effort to grow.
2. Put Down the Phone
You see people with cellphones everywhere, and there is really nothing wrong with whatever you want to do on your phone (crossword puzzles and the Kindle app are my favorite distractions). However, if you are seeking connections, be more mindful of when and where you choose to pull out your phone.
If you are seeking friendships and in a situation where there is even a chance that you might strike up a conversation, leave the phone in your pocket.
3. Try Friendship-Finding Apps
You are probably aware of dating sites, but did you know that there are also apps for finding friends? Here are two you might try:
- Bumble BFF Mode: Bumble is a popular dating site, but they also have deployed their technology to help people find “their kind of people.” Bumble for Friends (Bumble BFF mode) enables you to enter your profile and what you like. Then their algorithm shows you profiles that it thinks might match your friendship interests. “Swipe right” if you’re interested in learning more, left if you’re not.
- Meetup: The Meetup app calls itself “the people platform — where interests become friendships.” Whatever your interests, you’ll find people in your geographic area and events happen almost every day.
4. Know What You’re Looking For
Are you looking for a best friend or a group of people to have fun with?
Being clear about your intentions helps you form connections that resonate with your current life stage and personal growth. This self-awareness not only enhances the quality of your friendships but also ensures that the time and energy you invest are well-matched with those who share similar goals and values.
5. Get a Dog
Dogs naturally encourage social interaction, whether it’s through walks, trips to the dog park or simply meeting other pet owners.
They also provide companionship and a sense of routine, which can be especially beneficial if you’re feeling lonely or looking to build new habits.
6. Join a Civic or Membership Organization
In college, I transferred from a community college to a four-year school. When I arrived at the university, I felt like I had to make up time for the two years everyone else my age had spent making friends. I decided that the fastest way to get integrated was to join a sorority.
You know what? It worked. I instantly had ties to a group of 60 young women, and through that I developed lifelong friends.
You aren’t going to join a sorority or fraternity as an adult, but you could find similar kinship by joining some kind of membership organization.
7. Attend an Alumni Event
Alumni events often attract people who share your educational background and values, making it easier to find common ground and build new friendships.
Whether it’s a reunion, networking event or casual get-together, participating in these events can help you forge meaningful connections with both old friends and new acquaintances who share a similar journey.
8. Sign Up for a Class
Whether it is a group fitness class, cooking course, painting group or something else, classes are a great way to meet friends who share an interest with you.
The structure of a class offers regular opportunities for interaction, conversation and collaboration, helping to break the ice and build rapport over time.
Plus, the common goal of learning something new gives you an instant topic to bond over, making it easier to strike up conversations and potentially develop lasting friendships.
9. Show Up Regularly
Showing up regularly is key to building and maintaining friendships in adulthood. Whether it’s attending a weekly class, joining a social group or simply frequenting the same coffee shop, consistent participation allows you to become a familiar face.
Over time, this regular presence helps to establish trust and rapport, making it easier to strike up conversations and deepen connections.
By being a consistent part of a community or activity, you signal to others that you’re committed and interested in forming meaningful relationships, which can lead to lasting friendships.
10. Put Making Friends on Your To-Do List
Friendships are rewarding, but they aren’t going to happen without effort. You need to devote the time and focus on making friends.
Treating finding friends as a goal not only keeps you focused but also encourages you to step out of your comfort zone and seek out opportunities to connect with others.
11. Ask for a Favor
Asking for a favor can be an effective way to build friendships in adulthood. While it might seem counterintuitive, requesting help or advice can create a sense of trust and mutual support.
When you ask someone for a favor, you’re giving them an opportunity to assist you, which can foster a deeper connection and show that you value their input or expertise. It’s important to be genuine and considerate, making sure that the favor is something they can easily fulfill.
Often, this simple act of reaching out can strengthen your bond and open the door to a more meaningful relationship.
12. Start a Club
Starting a club is an excellent way to make new friends in adulthood while pursuing something you’re passionate about. Whether it’s a book club, hiking group, or board game night, creating a space where like-minded people can gather provides a natural environment for building connections.
As the organizer, you have the opportunity to bring together individuals with shared interests, facilitating interactions and helping everyone feel included.
Over time, these regular meetups can foster a sense of community and lead to deep, lasting friendships as members bond over common goals and experiences.
How about a retirement planning club?
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