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Suze Orman has a blunt message for parents bankrolling their grown children: “Don’t you dare stop saving for retirement. That is the opposite of being a good parent” (1).
Harsh? Maybe. But also true. I’ve been saying the same thing over the 35 years that I’ve been writing about money,
Nearly 1 in 5 parents say they’d cut their own retirement savings to help an adult child, according to a 2026 Thrivent survey (1). And this isn’t occasional generosity. Half of parents with adult kids are financially supporting them — to the tune of about $1,474 a month, or roughly $18,000 a year (2).
The pull is everywhere. A Federal Reserve survey found nearly half of young adults get financial help from family (3), and Pew data shows today’s young adults are more financially dependent on their parents than the generation before them (4).
I get the instinct — you love your kids, and you want to help. But there’s a line between helping them and handing them your retirement. Here are 5 ways to stay on the right side of it.
1. Put your own oxygen mask on first
Every flight attendant says it for a reason: secure your own mask before helping anyone else. Money works the same way.
Your kids have decades to recover from a rough start. You don’t have decades to rebuild a retirement you skipped funding.
And here’s the part that stings as a CPA: every dollar you don’t invest in your 50s or 60s isn’t just that dollar — it’s all the growth it would’ve earned over the years that follow. Pausing your retirement to help isn’t generosity. It’s a loan against your own future you may never get to repay.
2. Help with a number, not a blank check
The most dangerous kind of help has no edges. “I’ll cover it” quietly turns into covering it forever.
If you’re going to help — and plenty of good parents do — decide the exact amount and the exact end date before a dollar moves. Write it down, and if the support has already dragged on, here are 5 steps to set them free.
“I’ll pay your phone bill through December” is help. “Whatever you need” is how you end up at 70 still funding a 35-year-old’s lifestyle.
3. Never pause your retirement — and rebuild the cushion you raided
If you’ve already dipped into savings to help, the fix isn’t guilt — it’s a plan to refill. Get your own contributions running again first, then rebuild the emergency cash you drained, somewhere safe and liquid that actually pays you.
And while you’re at it, earn more interest.
Switching to a better bank account is an effortless way to earn more interest. If you’re still at a traditional brick-and-mortar bank, you may be paying monthly checking fees while earning almost nothing on your savings.
If your rate starts with a zero, it’s time to start shopping. For example, SoFi pays many times the national average interest. With eligible direct deposit, you can earn a competitive APY on savings. New members may also qualify for a limited-time APY boost for up to six months. (APYs are variable and can change at any time.)
New members who set up qualifying direct deposit may also be eligible for a cash bonus of up to $400, based on the amount deposited. Terms apply — see details.
Earn up to 4.40% Annual Percentage Yield (APY) on one SoFi Savings account with a 1.10% APY Boost (added to the 3.30% APY as of 10/20/26) for up to 6 months. Open your first SoFi Checking and Savings account between 10/20/26 and 12/31/27, then within 60 days of account opening receive an eligible direct deposit OR $5,000 or more in qualifying deposits. You must maintain eligible direct deposit or $5,000 in qualifying deposits every 31 days to keep the Boost, for up to 6 months. Rates variable, subject to change.
Terms apply at sofi.com/banking. SoFi Bank, N.A. Member FDIC.
Quick gut-check — if your money advice is coming from random online influencers, you’re playing a dangerous game. I’ve been a CPA since 1981 and writing about money since before the internet existed. Sign up for the free Money Talks Newsletter and get expert advice that’s been tested by time.
4. If helping your kids put you in debt, deal with that first
Here’s where good intentions turn dangerous: parents who put their kids’ expenses on a credit card. Now you’re paying 20%-plus interest for the privilege of helping — and that debt can outlast the help by years.
Clear it before you give another dollar.
If you (or your kids) have $15,000 or more in unsecured debt, deal with it. For example, check out National Debt Relief. They’re one of the most established debt-relief providers in the U.S.
They’ve helped over 500,000 people, hold an A+ BBB rating, and are top-rated by ConsumerAffairs, Top Consumer Reviews, and others.
How it works: fill out a quick form, and a certified debt specialist will review your situation. If they can help, they’ll build an affordable plan and estimate when you could be debt-free. There’s no upfront fee and no obligation to get started.
They can help with most unsecured debt — credit cards, personal loans, medical bills, even some student loan debt. Check them out.
5. Find out if your retirement’s still on track
After years of helping, a lot of parents genuinely don’t know where they stand. Before you agree to one more “small” bailout, get a clear, honest picture of your own numbers — whether you’re on pace, and what saying yes really costs you.
This is the perfect time to get some advice from an outside expert. One source to find one: SmartAsset. They instantly match you with up to three fiduciary advisors – legally required to prioritize your interests. A good financial advisor can spot tax savings, help with Social Security strategies, and find planning gaps you’d never see alone.
$100K+ in investments? Get matched free in minutes.
The bottom line
Let me be clear about one thing: helping your kids isn’t the mistake. Loving them with your wallet is one of the good parts of having money. The mistake is helping in a way that turns you into their financial emergency 20 years from now.
The kindest thing you can do for your children isn’t another transfer — it’s making sure they never have to support you. Fund your own retirement first, help from what’s left over, and teach them to stand on their own two feet.
Sources: Yahoo Finance (1); Savings.com (2); Federal Reserve (3); CBS News (4).
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